Amidala
by Padakin
Summary: Padmé. Amidala. Where does one stop and the other begin? Drabbles set during different points in Episodes I, II and III.
1. Episode I: Theed

Disclaimer: I do not own _Star Wars_.

Summary: Padmé. Amidala. Where does one stop and the other begin?

Rating: T

Amidala

I

Amidala stood regally, her face hidden behind an immaculate white mask.

She stood alone. It was very quiet in the throne room.

In the streets of Theed, her people were herded into trucks and taken away. The droids were so mechanical, so stiff in their movements. The old stumbled and fell. Mouths opened and screamed silently, their words breaking against the windowpane.

Amidala watched.

If the Naboo looked closely at the palace, they could see the slight figure adorned in red, standing proudly. Her expression did not waver. Amidala would not yield.

The caravan passed. The Queen's head fell slightly. Pain flickered in her eyes, obscured by distance and bright sunlight, cutting and swift. Then her shaded eyes turned to steel.

Silently, fingers curled; sharp nails cut into palms.


	2. Episode I: Tatooine

Disclaimer: I do not own _Star Wars_.

I

"_Are you an angel?"_

Amidala started, turned toward the boy on the counter. He was staring at her, not with skepticism, as so many politicians and even Jedi did, but with curiosity. Awe, perhaps.

"_What?"_

"_An angel. They live on the moons of Iago, I think. They're the most beautiful creatures in the universe."_

Amidala was stunned and stepped back, considering.  
_  
"The most beautiful creature in the universe."_

Invincible. Powerful. Strong.

"_I will sign no treaty."_

An angel, the boy had said.

Bitterly, she felt her failure.


	3. Episode II: Lake Country

II

Anakin was so close, his eyes so warm.

Amidala looked out across the lake, barely breathing. She wanted that heat. She wanted it to burn into her, break the ice she always felt sliding through her, around her.

"_It's so rough..."_

His touch startled her. She stared at him, lost.

She bent slowly, remembering the holographs on the wall, the laws to read.

"_You need to do something for yourself, Padmé." _

Amidala closed her eyes and let Anakin make her forget.

She wanted something, something to lose herself in.

Something real.

"_I have failed you, Senator."_

Blood for blood.

Amidala pulled back, looked away.

"_I shouldn't have done that."_

It had been impulsive Padmé, who wished for things without looking at the consequences. Padmé, who trusted too much, who hurt too easily.

"_I'm sorry, milady."_

Amidala ignored the apology, lost in staring sightlessly.

"_You need to do something for yourself, Padmé."_

But there was such a difference between Amidala and Padmé Naberrie.


	4. Episode II: Lake Country II

Disclaimer: I do not own _Star Wars_.

II

"_It's not possible."_

Something in Amidala broke at the words. Loss pulled at her, tried to brush her away, make her take it back.

"_Then you do feel something."_

Amidala wavered.

"_I will not let you give up your future for me."_

She wondered if he saw through her, noted that she projected an assurance she did not feel.

"_We could keep it a secret."_

Anakin was so hopeful, so certain. So young.

Amidala felt old, so much older than him. So much older than Padmé.

"_We would be living a lie. Could you do that, Anakin?"_

Such manipulation and he did not even notice. Amidala shuddered, appalled. He trusted her so much- so blindly. He trusted so many.

'Anakin,' she thought, horrified and afraid. 'How will you survive this way?'

And how could she let herself have him, when Padmé wanted him so badly- fragile Padmé, who was lost with one look, one touch?

"_No. It would destroy us."_

A part of her crumbled at the bleak sadness in his eyes.

Amidala did not allow herself to be moved.


	5. Episode I: Coruscant

Disclaimer: I do not own _Star Wars_.

I

Amidala stood inside looking out, watching the traffic glide past, lost to the lights.

The slick glass of the window reflected her, a shadowed girl in black. Amidala studied the lines of her faces, the mark of remembrance slicing her lip.

"_I was not elected to watch my people suffer and die while you discuss this invasion in a committee!"_

A line appeared in the smooth white paint of her brow. She blurred in the glass, her image reduced to sparkling shards.

"_To be realistic, your Majesty, I think we are going to have to accept Federation control for the time being."_

Breath fell into Amidala's lungs. Her back straightened.

"_That is something I cannot do."_

Amidala looked back out at the lights of the city, now clear and clean, then turned to face Senator Palpatine.


	6. Episode I: Theed II

Disclaimer: I do not own _Star Wars_.

I

The window shattered, splaying fragments across the thick marble floors.

Amidala stepped onto the ledge. Her boots left marks in the dust.

"_...the death toll is catastrophic…"_

She saw the camps, the graves, the hollowed eyes.

"_I will not fail."_

Blaster steady, oddly large in a small hand, Amidala entered the hall. Her steps were measured and certain.

In seconds, droids circled them. Amidala gave up her gun and allowed herself to be led away. She sank onto her throne, fingers grazing the arm, closing around a blaster.

"_Queen Amidala is young and naïve."_

Not anymore.


	7. Episode II: Coruscant

II

"_You'll be fine."_

The words left Amidala's mouth with ease, even as she watched Obi-Wan's eyes narrow slightly. She straightened, irritation flaring.

"_It's not me, M'lady. I'm worried about you…"_

Dormé was near tears, worry warring with disapproval. She held more than enough emotion for the two of them. Amidala wanted to laugh at the handmaiden's worry, it was so misplaced.

"_What if they realize you've left the capital?"_

It happened quickly, so fast Amidala was left standing, stunned, her own words echoing in her mind.

"_Well, then my Jedi protector will have to prove how good he is."_

The smile felt awkward as Amidala pushed Padmé aside. For a moment, she felt Dormé's worry, the reality of it, the veracity of it. She stepped away. Anakin's eyes met hers, piercing and blue.

"_Please don't look at me like that."_

"_Why?"_

A piece of resistance broke away, fell into nothing.

Amidala did not notice, busy sliding back behind walls.


	8. Episode III: Coruscant

III

Padmé could feel Amidala's scorn. It burned, pierced her core and broke her into pieces.

"_I love you."_

Amidala did not mock, she judged.

"_We would be living a lie."_

Amidala saw every weakness, knew every flaw.

"_I killed them. I killed them all-"_

Padmé stood alone, looking out.

The sun was setting, and she could feel him.

Pain.

"_I'm not the Jedi I'm supposed to be."_

Loss.

"_I can save you…"_

"_Is that what you're worried about?"_

A breath.

She was still here, waiting.

"_So love has blinded you?"_

"_Well, that's not exactly what I meant."_

"_But it's probably true."_

He turned away.

Faded.

"_I know I'm better than this."_

Amidala remembered how empty words could be.

"_You're all I live for."_

Padmé knew the cost of believing them.


	9. Episode II: Lake Country III

II

The dress was white.

There was a desperation in the fabric; the thread tangled together in a shield.

It was armor, not a dress.

_The Warrior Queen. _

But now she bled lace.

Padmé was silent, head bowed, listening to the lake, not the words of the holy man.

"_I thought we had agreed not to fall in love."_

Amidala did not reach out and take that memory, manipulate it for her benefit. She was quiet, leaving Padmé in a silence so deafening she could not breathe. Padmé looked up at Anakin, watching his eyes.

"_You need to do something for yourself."_

She did not smile.

She was cold.

"_It would destroy us."_

Anakin took her hands in his.

"_Anything is possible, Padmé, listen to me-"_

His grip was strong.

Padmé smiled softly, tilted her head back.

"_Don't be afraid."_

"_I'm not…"_


	10. Episode III: Mustafar

III

The seat was sturdy.

Padmé could feel it, heavy and solid against her back, as she landed.

"_Wait for me."_

She concentrated, watching herself carefully, looking for weaknesses.

Worry had coiled up beneath her chest; burrowed a hole into her lungs.

Breath was shallow.

"_He has become a great threat."_

Padmé leaned forward, smoothed her hair back. Her eyes drifted downward, searching, watching.

Waiting.

And then he appeared, taking shape out of darkness, ringed in red.

"_Wait for me."_

She drew breath, sharp and painful.

"_Anakin, what are you going to do?"_

His eyes, cold and empty and lacking.

"_Wait for me."_

Padmé sat, waiting.

_  
_A memory drifted; settled. She watched the girl, painted and solemn, eyes old.

"_That is something I cannot do."_

Padmé stood, running for him, fear rising.

Whispers chased her, reminding her of all the things she had done.

And everything she still would not- could not- do.


	11. Episode III: Coruscant II

III

Coruscant was crowded; perpetually glowing with some type of light.

Padmé missed the darkness of home, the absence of noise and constant movement.

"_I want to have our baby on Naboo."_

The thought came unbidden. Padmé fell silent.

Amidala moved, her presence a warning.

"_What are we going to do?"_

Padmé frowned, looking out, away from Anakin.

"_You're so beautiful."_

Padmé glanced at him, smiled.

Amidala stepped back slightly, wary.

"_You mean love has blinded you?"_

Anakin smiled; a half smile, one that did not reach his eyes.

"_You're all I live for."_

Amidala paused, considering. She coated her words with humor.

"…_it's probably true."_

Anakin smiled again; a real smile that silenced Amidala and left Padmé alone, suddenly warm.

And for a moment, everything was fine.


	12. Episode III: Polis Massa

III

Amidala fought as Padmé died.

She felt each wave, each burst of pain sweep through Padmé, small and delicate and alone in the white room.

Amidala made her die slowly.

She wanted Padmé to reach him, wherever he was, so he would break too.

"_Anakin…"_

He was there. He burned, both in the Force and on the table, next to her. Fire and anguish and rain stung the air, sharp and real enough to inhale.

"_You're all I live for."_

And then he was gone.

Amidala fell, scratched and slit by betrayal.

Weakening.

Anakin thrashed, reaching out for her, screaming.

Padmé reached out to her daughter. Their connection flickered and started to fade.

Amidala wrenched away her hold on Anakin, let him fall, hit the dark, and pulled, feeling the cool, shining aura of Leia. She threw her into Padmé's heart.

Padmé brightened for a moment, and then she slipped.

"_Leia-"_

Amidala let Padmé die; folded her into soft quiet; protected and calm.

Anakin rose, artificial and cold, warmth only a glimmer.

"_There's good in him. I know… there is still-"_

He reached for Amidala-for Padmé- and Amidala moved, slipped through his grasp and fell into nothing, his denial a muted echo in the white.


End file.
